When It Matters

 The farther back we can look, the farther forward we are likely to see 
Winston S. Churchill. 


I couldn't have said it any better!

This disarming journey of grace has taught me the value in taking a real good look back. Not just a quick, fearful glimpse over my shoulder, but an intentional stare, making a conscious effort to stop long enough to immerse myself, in that particular frozen moment in time. Scary I know and definitely not something that I was prepared for, earlier on my journey. 

I know that looking back, for most is not ideal for many reasons, however for me, it was having to remember the view, that lay ahead that kept me and emotions on track. Knowing that my past is just that, my past. And that my future can and will shift and change with the direction that I intentionally will and action it to. My trajectory forward, far outweighs the pain and bitterness that may past was enticing me to pick up again, to tempt me to go beyond just remembering the memories of my past, instead, making the fatal mistake of nursing them and giving them new life.

The promise of what lies ahead for me is only attainable by the lessons I have learned to acknowledge from my past. It is much like a rubber band, that is pulled back with a strong tension, to then be released, to carry out is natural movement forward, aimed towards an intentional goal of hitting the target or at the very least to be heading in the right direction.

I do not discount my past or shun from some of the apparent signs of it. I have come to accept that without those moments, I cannot imagine a different me. I am the courageous, strong, brave, whole and healed, a thriving woman that I am today because of the things I endured as painful as those things may be.

Events that have shaped and informed my movement forward, recollections that prompt me to be unapologetic for bathing selfishly in my new surroundings and to grabbing love with my whole heart. I still fight the unseen battle of my mind, that so many of us fight daily. And I am not afraid to say that, there are some days where I am far from celebrating in my perfect victories, but I have learned that it is better to fail and to do it often if it moves me closer to me fulfilling my purpose and calling. They are not always mountainous noticeable victorious. However, no matter what the size, they all add to my movement forward.

Looking back does matter if we are intentional about how it adds to our movement forward. From my perspective - it is the only way that I have been able to live in the here and now, and sustain my life's trajectory forward, into the great unknown of my glorious future, that I proudly embrace as my life of grace.